Amanda

          “I was sexually assaulted by a friend of 12 years while I was at his house with friends. We had been drinking, celebrating the start of senior year. I had gone to bed in the guest room (like I had plenty of times before), but this time he decided to join me. My tipsy self was no match for his belligerent, large body being forced upon me. Nobody teaches you what to do in that situation. There isn’t a guide book titled: what to do if someone tries to rape you. So, most people freeze because of the unknown reaction of the perpetrator if they try to fight back. Remember, they are bigger than us.

          I tried my best to convince him to leave; I probably said stop a million times. I told him I had a boyfriend. I told him I wasn’t on birth control. I told him I felt like I was going to be sick. He came up with ‘solutions’ to all of my problems that managed to keep me stuck underneath him. So, I tried to block it out as I turned my head away and let tears stream down my face. ‘It will be over soon’ I told myself. The next day I went and had a rape kit done, and 6 months later I reported it to police. I did a recorded phone call where he admitted to committing the crime, and apologized. A year later, he was sentenced to jail.

          It was a great feeling to take control of the situation, but after all the drama was over I still felt crippled by the flashbacks and panic attacks. My sister bought me a book called milk and honey by Rupi Kaur. It’s full of short poems about ‘the hurting, the loving, the breaking, the healing.’ I never felt understood until this moment. It’s been almost three years, and I’ve probably read the book six times, along with her new book called the sun and her flowers. Being understood by someone else, helped me to understand myself and fostered healing in my life” –Amanda, 20.