Reflecting on the Semester
Coming into this class, I was nervous. I’ve always thought of myself as a good writer, but didn’t love to share it with others because it made me self-conscious. Peer-review activities were never helpful, office hours were awkward with my English 125 GSI, and my friends who read my papers would simply just say, “looks good to me.” I was content, but not excited. So, when one of my best friends got accepted to the writing minor program through Sweetland last year, I knew that I had to apply.
For almost all of my academic career, I’ve done academic writing. Makes sense. The most creative thing I’ve done was probably writing an acrostic poem or something. Argumentative essays and research papers became my thing. The structure, and usually five page rubric laying out every single guideline, made me comfortable because I knew exactly what I needed to do to get an A. I wasn’t focused on advancing my skills, I just wanted the grade. So, when this semester began and T told us that we could do anything that we wanted for our experiments, I had a mini panic attack. “What am I going to do? Oh god, I have to make a website too? I have to blog? I am NOT the blog type. What did I get myself into?”
Throughout the experiment cycle, I wrote creative fiction, a commentary piece, and created a photo essay. All of which, I have never done before. Consequently, I’ve learned more about writing this semester than I have since college began. Who knew that stepping out of your comfort zone could actually elicit something amazing. My first experiment started out as a photo essay, and by the end it was a completely different genre. When I met with T, I was trying to figure out how this could happen. “I had a plan and everything laid out, though.” I learned an important lesson that day. Not everything ends up where you intend for it to, and that’s okay. It’s called growth, progress, development, etc. My piece ended up being way more interesting when I let my ideas lead me, instead of me leading my ideas. For my second experiment, the commentary piece, it felt nice to just let myself express my emotions freely, without having to worry about it being too formal. The genre gave me the freedom to say what I wanted to, how I wanted to, and when I wanted to. It was refreshing. My first two experiments set me up to be successful as I moved on to the third experiment. They gave me the courage to try something new, challenging, and risky.
My third experiment, which ended up turning into my final project, is my favorite piece I’ve ever created. Doing work with a passion behind it makes it not feel like work at all. I absolutely loved engaging with this project and found myself choosing to work on it above all other school work. The idea for it came from a one on one conversation that I had with T in her office. I told her that I wanted to do a photo essay, but that I didn’t know how to make it different than ones I had already seen pertaining to sexual assault. They were all focused on aspects that happen before or during the assault, so T suggested that I focus on what happens after. Working on such a sensitive topic really helped me grow, partly by forcing me to take myself seriously. I had never worked on something so powerful and it changed the way I viewed my capabilities. I do my best work when I’m writing about something that I am passionate about.
The part of this class that helped me grow the most is the in-class discussions with T and my peers. Being with other writers who take themselves seriously changes the vibe of the room. The standard is set higher. Work groups, unlike last year, were helpful to get feedback as we worked on the experiments instead of just at the end. Being able to adjust along the way led to a better outcome. The most helpful aspect was when I volunteered to be workshopped (twice). As intimidating as it seems, I got such valuable feedback that really impacted the way I went about constructing my project. When I got workshopped for experiment three, Jack commented that he was concerned with the brevity of my experiment. I hadn’t given much thought to it, but then I went back in and found so many places to add more detail. The fact that he cared enough about my project to want to hear more made the difference between my project bring okay vs being great. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for all the thoughtful feedback from my peers because it helped give me the confidence to try new things and grow.
Looking forward, I plan on continuing with my final project for my capstone. I see myself creating a full-fledge website (purchasing my own domain) with resources for survivors. This would be in addition to the objects of comfort and stories shared by current participants in my project. I would have a forum for survivors to get advice, a way to contact me if they wanted their story published, and more as I brainstorm. I am so excited to continue moving forward with this project. I can’t thank T enough for making me feel like I can do it. She is the one who told me that this project needs to be out in the world, and that is exactly what I plan to do.
I came in at the beginning of the semester as a self-conscious, slightly shy student. Now, I’d say I’m the opposite. When in the right environment, writing has the ability to shape us and give us the confidence to make change throughout our communities. And that’s what I plan to do.